Listen Up. I Have Many Fans.

February 23, 2011 § Leave a comment

As most of you know by now, I’m a professional blogger. I’ve had a few posts by now, and it’s becoming clear that my blog is the most sought after location for opinion on the entire WWW (That stands for World Wide Web- try to keep up). I’ll have you know that 3 out of the 10 friends I have on facebook rush to my blog every time I so much as whisper a sentence. Did you know that I have had over one hundred hits on this blog since I started it just last month? This blog is the cream of the crop. The creme de la creme. The creamiest thing since cream of wheat. Cream is good, my blog is good like cream.

But the point is, there may be literally millions of blog posts in the world every single day, but how many of them take you to a world of pure imagination? Yes, happening upon my blog is just like finding a golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s magical chocolate factory, only better. If my blog were a painting it would be painted by Thomas Kincaid. I paint words onto your computer screen just like that man paints beautiful light onto a canvas. Did you hear that? Thomas freaking Kincaid has approached me on several occasions to see if HE can get an advertising spot on MY blog. I had to say no. This blog is information for the people and it cannot be sullied by ugly advertisements. Nothing should distract you from reading my words.

Revolutions of the highest order have been started, and the victor decided, right here from this very blog. Where does the President of the United States go for authoritative and provocative viewpoints on foreign relations? My blog. Where do Steven Speilburg and Tom Hanks go to plot their next career moves? My blog. Where does Tony Robbins come to get motivated? My blog. Where did the late Michael Jackson come to learn how to dance? My blog. Some say that the concepts put forth by this blog have altered the very rules of Natural Law itself. Pay attention folks, history is being made here. Don’t blink, or you’ll miss it.

What I’m saying is that the overnight success of this blog is mostly a testament to my incredible talent, but I’d also like to say thank you to my faithful readers for continuing to come here day after day after day. Multiple times daily. Selling your bodies in the night for just another sweet taste of my blog. And of course, you’re welcome.

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