Princes and Princessesess’

February 15, 2011 § Leave a comment

Stop spoiling your child. You are ruining their chance for a normal life. They would come out better if you sent them to douche school.

Your daughter is not a princess, and your son is not a prince. The next person I see treating their son or daughter like royalty is going to get a visit from me. I’ll whip up a fake Child Protective Services badge, I will have a clipboard, and I will be watching you. From here on out your child will not have a name, only a symbol and be referred to as “the artist formally known as prince.” Listen to me. This is for your child’s own good you jackass. If you continue treating your child this way he or she will grow up to be a monumental jerk, and spend the rest of their life in failed relationships wondering why people don’t like them.

From here on out birthday parties with jumpy houses and Ferris wheels and clowns and donkeys will be a thing of the past. They will not be getting presents at other kids birthday parties simply because they can’t sit patiently while someone else opens a present. Every day cannot be their “special day”. The one day a year your daughter will be allowed to dress as a princess will be Halloween, not every other day like you secretly encourage her to do now so that you get compliments at the grocery store from other people about how sweet your daughter is because you need to fill and emotional hole in your own life you sick twisted freak.

Your son doesn’t get to have a new toy every time he doesn’t poop on the floor. Since when did standard expected behavior become something to be praised? You know your little prince is going to grow up expecting to get something for nothing, and he will be miserable for it, and so will everyone around him. Don’t lower the standard on your children and they will thank you for it later. My parents didn’t spoil me, and look, I am on the internet telling everyone else what to do so I turned out perfect.

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