Family Stickers

February 8, 2011 § Leave a comment

What is this shit?

I am all for the promotion of family, but this is ridiculous. You truly have a need to show other drivers your familial make-up? You spent 5 dollars to pimp your rear window with this? Why stop here? Why not extend the stickers to show your entire family tree? I know why: because any grandpa who found a sticker version of himself on the back of his sons minivan would shit bricks. That is the same grandpa who threw away your “Grandpa loves Bennett, Cole, and Evan” license plate holder. He knows a vehicle isn’t a trophy display case. Grandpa wouldn’t put a “My child is The Shit at Lincoln Elementary” sticker on the back of his vehicle. No grandpa worth his salt would put any sticker on the back of his car because he not only knows nobody cares, but he understands that nobody should care. At least not the asshole riding his bumper at 80 mph on the freeway. Let us all take a note from grandpas playbook the next time we think it would be a good idea to advertise some part of our lives on the back of our car. And while I’m at it, the same goes for your “funny” bumper stickers. And the next person I see with plastic testicle replicas hanging from their tow bar is going to get kicked in their very real testicles. That is if their wife hasn’t already put them away for safe keeping in her purse. You and your friends are the kind of spoon-fed fruit bait that Dennis Leary hates!


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